Ovo je priča o mladoj, zdravoj ženi koja je postala mama i živi u Sarajevu, ženi koja je željela prirodni porod za svoje prvo dijete. Kad termin porođaja došao i prošao, pretrpljeni su veliki pritisci kako bi se njen porođaj namjerno izazvao. Ona je prihvatila napraviti testove kako bi bila sigurni da su ona i beba u redu, ali je ostala pri uvjerenju da nije bilo potrebe da se porod potakne ukoliko je sve u redu. Sedamnaest dana nakon predviđenog termina, ona je, naravno, dobila trudove. Imala je mogućnost imati prirodan porod u bolnici, vjerovatno zbog vremena koje je prošlo od dana kada se trebala poroditi. Međutim, nije dobila podršku koja joj je trebala da se porodi na način za koji je smatrala da je ispravan za njeno tijelo te je zbog toga doživjela bolan oporavak. Ona također nije dobila podršku koja joj je bila potrebna u vezi s dojenjem, ali srećom sada joj ide jako dobro.
U martu 2013, kada sam napunila 23 godine, saznala sam da sam trudna sa svojim prvim djetetom. Termin mog poroda, kako je liječnik izračunao, bio je 15. novembra, a zakasnio je 17 dana kada sam se 2. Decembra, konačno, porodila. Smatram sebe vrlo sretnom jer moj porod nije bio izazvan u međuvremenu. Kad sam došla u državnu bolnici radi redovnog CTGa na dan predviđenog termina poroda, liječnik je htio uraditi vaginalni pregled, te ispitati koliko je vrat moje maternice raširen i prorijeđen i provjeriti bebinu glavu. Pokušala sam izbjeći ovaj pregled, ali liječnik je insistirao kako je to vrlo važno zbog termina mog porođaja, on je bio vrlo ljubazan te je doveo doktoricu koja će obaviti pregled umjesto njega što je olakšalo situaciju za mene. Nakon tog datuma, do datuma mog poroda, rečeno mi je da svaki dan dolazim za razne preglede, ponekad bih preskočila jedan dan, i ne bih samo zato jer je bilo vrlo stresno za mene činiti to svaki dan; uzimajući u obzir odlazak tamo i nazad i dugo vrijeme čekanja da dođem na red. Tokom tog razdoblja, oni su uradili amnioskopiju četiri puta kako bi provjerili stanje plodne vode (ako je zelena, to bi moglo značiti da je dijete imalo svoju prvu stolicu, što može značiti da je u nevolji) i vaginalni ispit još nekoliko putakako bi se provjerila moja dilatacija i položaj bebe. Ovi pregledi su vrlo bolni i ja bih uvijek krvarila poslije njih. Također su mi urađene neke pretrage krvi i krvnog pritiska.
Konačno, moja vodenjak je pukao 1. decembra oko 20:00 sati, doktori bi mi uvijek govorili za vrijeme mojih pregleda da u slučaju kad bih imala ozbiljno krvarenje ili ukoliko mi pukne vodenjak da odmah moram doći u bolnicu. Međutim, čekala sam dok mi trudovi nisu počeli, što je 5 sati nakon što mi je pukao vodenjak, trudovi su me zapravo probudili iz sna, a bili su vrlo jaki, tako da smo moj muž i ja odmah otišli u bolnicu, malo nakon 01:00 h. Kada sam došla u bolnicu, doktor mi je uradio vaginalni pregled i obavijestio me da neću roditi prije jutra. Rečeno mi je da skinem odjeću i dam je mom mužu i da obučem spavaćicu. Babica mi je pokazala moju sobu, a ja sam išla prema svojoj sobi noseći svoju tešku torbu koju sam pripremila mjesec i pol dana ranije, sa svim stvarima koje će mi trebati. Soba je bila stara i nisam se uopće osjećala ugodno. Srećom, drugi krevet u sobi bio je još uvijek prazan, i bilo je vrlo mirno u bolnici u ovo doba noći. Uglavnom, kontrakcije sam prošla sama.
Pokušala sam da ne napravim niti jedan zvuk, jer sam željela svu svoju energiju sačuvati za porod koji sam mislila da će se desiti ujutro, pokušala sam zaspati, ali to je bilo nemoguće. Kontrakcije su postajala sve jače i jače, a ja sam počela povraćati. Zapravo to je bilo smiješno, jer sam dan prije pojela ogroman ananas u nadi da će to prirodno izazivati moj porod, tako da je to bilo prvo što sam povratila. Otišao sam u kupaonicu nekoliko puta tako sa nije potrebno raditi klistir. Kad su kontrakcije postale jače, zaustavila sam babicu koja je prolazila pored moje sobe i rekla joj da je vrijeme između kontrakcija jako kratko i doslovno sam imala trudove sve vrijeme i nisam mogla kontrolirati mokrenje. Ona je ignorisala moje komentare i rekla mi je da ispred mene još uvijek dug put.
Oko pola sata kasnije došla je babica i uradila mi vaginalnu provjeru te je odmah nakon toga pozvala doktora. Rekla mi je da bih se mogla poroditi u naredni sat ili tako nešto, a da bih trebala nazvati svog muža ukoliko želi da bude sa mnom tokom poroda. Počela sam se osjećati nervozno, ali u isto vrijeme vrlo uzbuđeno, stvarno sam željela poroditi prije sljedeće smjene koja počinje u 8 sati, jer sam znam da je u jutarnjim satima gužva. Doktor je došao za 15 minuta, bilo je oko 04:45. Stajala sam i nisam se mogla vratiti u krevet, jer su trudovi bili su stvarno jaki. Babica me počela ispitivati gdje je moj muž bio i rekla sam joj da će on biti ovdje za sat vremena, kako mi je rekao prije nekoliko minuta. Bila je ljuta i rekla mi je da ga zovem da dođe sada, jer ću uskoro biti premještena u rađaonicu. Bila sam u još većem šoku, uzela sam telefon i provjerila da sam supruga zvala prije 10 minuta i bila sam zbunjena. Mislila sam da nešto nije u redu sa mnom i rekla sam mu da dođe što prije bude mogao. Doktor mi je rekao da se vratim u krevet, inače ću roditi stojeći. Bol je bila toliko jaka i samo sam se stojeći osjećala ugodno i uporno sam joj govorila da moram ići na WC, da ne mogu u krevet. Počela je da se ljuti i rekla mi je da ne sarađujem (ponovila je to nekoliko puta tokom poroda), rekla mi je da ne možemo više čekati da moj suprug dođe i da bismo trebali krenuti na rađaonici. Bila sam u redu s tim, kako je u meni bilo toliko uzbuđenja i adrenalina. Bila sam tako sretna što ću se napokon poroditi.
Kad sam došla u rađaonicu, odjednom tu su bile još tri babice. Između mojih kontrakcija, mogla sam fino razgovarati s njima, podsjetila sam ih da sam ja htjela roditi na porođajnoj stolici. Babica stavi stolicu na neke krpe i rekla mi je da sjednem, i ja sam sjela, ona mi je rekla da počnem stiskati i sam tiskala kad bih osjetila da kontrakcije dolaze. Međutim, došao je doktor i rekao mi da se popnem na porodiljski stol, rekavši mi da ne sarađujem. Naravno, ja sam uradila kao što mi je rečeno, nisam imala snage da se borim protiv njih ili da se raspravljam.
Konačno, u rađaonicu stigao je moj suprug, bilo je samo nekoliko minuta poslije 05:00, spojili su CTG i nastavili mi govoriti da guram kada bi trudovi počeli, jer se trudovi vide na CTGu, pretpostavila sam. Moji trudovi su bili intenzivni i lijepi, mogla bih reći. Bili su tako prirodni i bila sam zadivljena Božjom snagom u njegovom stvaranju i oblikovanju lijepog načina reprodukcije. Odjednom sve se počelo događa brzo, ja sam nastavila da guram, rekli su mi da se napinjem i da zadržim dah kao da ronim, svaki put kad sam gurnula, duboko bih udahnula prije toga i pokušala ga zadržati, no kako god bih pokušala, moj dah prsne. Pokušavala sam se sjetiti svih tehnika disanja koje sam učila i vježbi sam naučila na predavanjima kojma sam prisustvovala prije porođaja, ali u tom trenutku nisam se mogla sjetiti puno toga.
Odjednom, osjetila sam da pripremaju da mi daju umjetni oksitocin drip za ubrzanje trudova. Pitala sam je šta je to, rekla je: “To će ti pomoći da rodiš”, upitala sam je: “Je li to drip?” , rekla je: “Da”, a zatim je doktor rekao: “Moraš to primiti jer ne dišeš dobro, želimo ti pomoći da lakše rodiš “. Ja sam im rekla: “Ja to ne želim, ja ću istisnuti bebu, dajte mi još samo malo vremena.” Prva stvar koja mi je pala napamet je “Zašto me požuruju da rodim? Nešto nije u redu? Počela sam se osjećati malo zabrinuto. Položaj na stolu nije bio baš ugodan i osjećala sam prevelik pritisak da bih mogla brzo tiskati.
Doktor se uozbiljio i rekao mi: “Imaš još jednu priliku. Ako ne rodiš bebu, mi ćemo ti dati drip! “. Gurnula sam najjače što sam mogla. Krvne žile mog lica, vrata i očiju su se rasprsnule. Nekoliko dana oči su mu bile crvene, a lice i vrat ljubičasti. U međuvremenu, rasijekli su me (epiziotomija). Nisam bila sigurna kada tačno, ali se sjećam ubitačne boli koju sam osjećala od rezanja, a to nije bilo uopće prirodno! Drugi doktor je došao u salu, odgurnuo je doktoricu daleko i samo se svom svojom težinom naslonio na moj stomak i tada je beba izašla! Bilo je tačno 05:25 što je oko 20 minuta guranja. Stavili su bebu nekoliko sekundi na moja prsa, umeđuvremenu su me pitali da li mogu prerezati pupčanu vrpcu. Rekla sam im da pričekaju nekoliko minuta. Oni su se smijali! Valjda su mislili da se šalim ili tako nešto. Naravno, nisam. Htjela sam svojoj bebi odgoditi rezanje pupčane vrpce, što su mnoge studije pokazale kao optimalno. Nakon što je rođena, uzeli su mi bebu radi redovnih pregleda, a ja sam ostala radi ostalih procedura. Doktor je kasnije počeo da me šije i nastavio mi prigovarati i ponavljati kako ja nisam bila za saradnju i da sam bila puna Internet sranja u vezi poroda, a da je nešto prilikom poroda pošlo po zlu, to bi bila njihova krivnja itd …
Nakon što su mi pomogli da ustanem sa stola, nisam bila u stanju sama stajati, skoro sam pala u nesvijest, babica mi je pomogla do mog kreveta. Nisam mogao ustati narednih 7 sati. Samo sam, sutradan u 13,00 h, uspjela ustati iz kreveta uz pomoć babice. Bilo je tako bolno i osjećala sam se toliko iscrpljeno. Moja porodica nije mogla ući niti niti mi donijeti bilo kakvu hranu. Doručak se služio, ali budući da ja nisam mogla ustati, skoro ništa nisam jela taj dan. Jutarnja smjena bila je prometna, doktori bi došli, samo otkriju deku, stave ruke na moj stomak kako bi, kako to oni kažu, gurnuli “ostatke”, i još 2 puta su mi uradili vaginalni pregled prije nego što sam napustila bolnicu. Sve u svemu, njega je bila jako loša, a bila sam toliko slaba i ranjiva da sama nisam mogla ništa učiniti. Donijeli su bebu oko 14:00 sati, i ostala je sa mnom do sljedećeg dana. Bilo je vrlo teško voditi brigu o novorođenčadi, s obzirom na stanje u kojem sam se nalazila te je puno puta beba plakala, a ja nisam mogla učiniti puno toga. Imala sam hematom s obzirom na epiziotomiju što je izazvalo toliku bol; doktori su mi propisali lijekove protiv bolova za to. Što se tiče dojenja, to je sasvim druga priča, jedna babica mi je pomogla oko povezivanja i kasnije sam za sve bila prepuštena sama sebi. Moje bradavice su bolne nekoliko sedmica i onda sam mjesec dana kasnije uspostavila pravilno dojenje. Trebalo mi je neko vrijeme da se oporavim i fizički i psihički, međutim, moja epiziotomija još uvijek nije zacijelila kako treba (više od 4 mjeseca nakon poroda).
Sve u svemu, znam da moj porod mogao biti puno bolji da su doktori i babice učinili sve od sebe. Isto tako, suprotstavila sam se i insistirala na tome da stvari idu prirodnim putem. Jedna stvar oko koje nisam ništa mogla učiniti jeste oholih stav babica tokom mog dvodnevnog boravka u bolnici. Nisam sigurna je li to zbog njihovih velikih opterećenja ili lošeg upravljanja ili loše zemlje, ali mislim da bi trebali imati na umu da su oni ti koji djeluju na svetom prostoru gdje nove duše dolaze na ovaj svijet, gdje žene prolaze kroz najbolnija a istovremeno i najljepša putovanja.
In English
This is a story about a young, healthy mum-to-be living in Sarajevo who wanted a natural birth for her first child. When her due date came and went, there was much pressure to induce her labor artificially. She accepted to do tests to make sure that she and the baby were fine, but remained confident that there was no need to induce labor if all was well. Seventeen days past her estimated due date, she went into labor naturally. She was able to have a very natural labor at the hospital, perhaps because of the time of day she went in. However, she didn’t receive the support she needed to birth her baby the way she felt was right for her body and thereby experienced a painful recovery. She also didn’t get the support she needed with regards to breastfeeding, but thankfully is now going very well with breastfeeding.
I found out I was pregnant with my first baby on March 2013 exactly when I turned 23 years old. My delivery due date as calculated by the doctors was 15th November and I was overdue 17 days when I finally gave birth on the 2nd of December. I am considered very lucky because my birth was not induced meanwhile. When I came to the national hospital for the regular CTG on my due date, the doctor wanted to do a vaginal check, to examine how much my cervix was dilated and thinned and check the baby’s head. I tried to avoid this examination, however the doctor insisted it was very important since it is my due date, he was very kind to bring in a lady doctor to do the examination instead of him which eased the situation for me. After this date and until my delivery date I was told to come in every day for various checkups, sometimes I would skip a day and not go simply because it was very stressful for me to do this every day; taking into consideration commuting back and forth and the long waiting hours for my turn. During this period, they performed the amnioscopy exam four times to check the state of the amniotic fluid (if it is green, it could indicate that the baby has done it’s first bowel movement, which can mean it is in distress) and a vaginal exam several other times to check my dilation and the position of the baby. These examinations were very painful and I would always bleed after them. I also did some blood tests and had my blood pressure checked.
Finally, my waters broke on the 1st December at around 20:00, the doctors would always tell me during my checkups that in case I would have severe bleeding or my water broke I had to come immediately to the hospital. However, I waited until my contractions started, which was 5 hours after my water broke, the contractions actually woke me up from sleep and they were very severe so my husband and I immediately went to the hospital a little bit after 1 am.
When I came in the hospital, the doctor did a vaginal exam and informed me that I will not give birth before morning. I was told to remove my clothes and give them to my husband and wear my dress. The midwife showed me my room and I walked to my room carrying my heavy bag which I have prepared a month and half ago with all the stuff I would need. The room was old and didn’t feel comfortable at all. Thankfully, the other bed in the room was still empty and it was very quiet in the hospital at this time of the night. Basically, I was going through contractions alone.
I tried not to make any sound since I was trying to keep all my energy for birth and thinking it would be in the morning, I tried to put myself to sleep, which was impossible. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger and I starting vomiting. Actually it was funny, since the day before I ate a huge pineapple hoping it would naturally induce my labour, so it was the first thing I puked. I went to the bathroom a few times and therefore did not require an enema. When the contractions were getting stronger, I stopped the midwife who was passing by my room and told her that the time between the contractions was so short and I was literally having contractions all the time and couldn’t control my peeing. She ignored my comments and told me that I still have a long way to go.
Around half an hour later the midwife came and did a vaginal exam and immediately after that called the doctor. She told me that I might give birth in an hour or so and I should call my husband if he wants to accompany me during the labour. I started to feel nervous but at the same time very excited, as I really wanted to give birth before the next shift which starts at 8 a.m since I know it is very busy in the mornings. The doctor came in after 15 minutes, it was around 4:45am. I was standing and could not get back on my bed because the contractions were really strong. She started asking where my husband was and I told her he will be here in an hour as you said before a few minutes. She was mad and said call him to come now because I will soon move to the delivery room. I was even more shocked, I took my phone and checked that I just called my husband 10 minutes ago and was confused. I just thought something is wrong with me and I told him to come back as soon as he can. The doctor told me to get back to bed or else I will give birth standing. The pain was so strong and I just felt comfortable standing and I kept on telling her I need to go to the bathroom and can’t get on the bed. She started getting mad and said that I wasn’t cooperating (she repeated this a few times during the delivery), she told me sorry we cannot wait for your husband anymore and we should get moving to the delivery room. I was fine with that, as there was so much excitement and adrenalin in me. I was so happy I was finally giving birth.
When I came to the delivery room, suddenly there were three more midwives. In between my contractions I could speak fine with them, I reminded them I wanted to deliver on the birth stool. The midwife put the stool on some cloth and told me to sit, and I did, she started telling me push and I did push when I felt my contractions were coming. However, the doctor came and told me get on the birthing table, saying I was not cooperating. Of course, I did as they said since I didn’t have any energy to fight back or argue.
Finally, my husband arrived to the delivery room and it was only a few minutes after 5:00 am, they connected the CTG and they kept on telling me to push when the contractions started since they knew it from CTG , I assumed. My contractions were intense and beautiful, I might say. They were so natural and I was amazed by God’s power in his creation and designing a beautiful way of reproduction. Suddenly, everything started happening quickly, I kept on pushing, they told me to push and to keep my breathe in as if i was diving, every time I pushed, I took a deep breath before that and tried to keep it in, however I would burst it all out. I tried to remember all the breathing techniques I was taught and the exercises I learnt at the classes I attended before birth, but at that moment I couldn’t remember much.
Suddenly, I sensed that they were preparing to give me an artificial oxytocin drip to speed up my contractions. I asked her what this was, she said “It is to help you give birth”, I asked her “Is this a drip?” She said “Yes”, and then the doctor said “You need this since you are not breathing well, we want to help you give birth easier”. I told them “I do not want this and I will push the baby out, just give me some more time.” The first thing that came to my mind was “Why are they rushing me to give birth? Is something wrong? I started to feel a little bit worried. The position on the birthing table wasn’t very comfortable and I felt the pressure to push quickly.
The doctor got serious and said, “You have one last try. If you do not push the baby out, we will give you the drip!”. I pushed as hard as I could. My facial, neck and eye blood vessels burst. I had a red eye for a couple of days and my face and neck were purple. Meanwhile, they cut me (episiotomy). I wasn’t sure when exactly, but I remember the shooting pain I felt from the cut, that didn’t feel natural at all! Another doctor came in the room, and pushed the female doctor away and just put all his weight on my stomach and that’s when the baby came out! It was exactly 5:25 am which makes it around 20 min of pushing. They put the baby on my chest for a few seconds, meanwhile asked me if they could cut the umbilical cord. I told them to wait a few minutes. They laughed! I guess they thought I was joking or something. Of course, I wasn’t. I wanted my baby to have delayed cord clamping, which many studies show is optimal. After he was born, they took my baby away for the regular checkups and I stayed for other procedures. The doctor later on started stitching me and kept on scolding me and repeating how uncooperative I was and that I was full of internet crap regarding birth, and if something in the birth went wrong it would be their fault etc…
After they helped me get up from the birthing table, I couldn’t manage to stand by myself, I almost fainted, the midwife helped me to my bed. I couldn’t get up for the next 7 hours. Only at 13.00 the next day, I managed to get up from my bed with the help of the midwife. It was so painful and I felt so exhausted. My family couldn’t come in nor bring me any food. The breakfast was served but since I couldn’t get up, I hardly ate anything that day. Morning shift was so busy and doctors would come up and just uncover the blanket and put both their hands on my stomach to push the “leftovers” as they said and they did vaginal exams two more times before I left the hospital. Overall, the care was really bad and I was so weak and vulnerable that I couldn’t do anything by myself. They brought the baby around 14:00 and the baby stayed with me till the next day. It was very difficult to take care of the newborn in the condition that I was in and a lot of times the baby would cry and I could not do much about it. I had a hematoma on my episiotomy which caused so much pain; the doctors prescribed painkillers for that. Regarding breastfeeding, it is a totally different story, one midwife helped me with latching and I was left to do it all by myself later. My nipples were sore for weeks then and I only established proper breastfeeding a month later. It took a while to recover physically and emotionally, however, my episiotomy still hasn’t healed properly (more than 4 months after giving birth).
Overall, I know my delivery could have been way better if the doctors and midwives tried their best. Also, if I have had confronted them and insisted on keeping things natural. One thing I couldn’t do anything about is the mean attitude of the midwives during my two day stay in the hospital. I am not sure if it’s their heavy workloads or the bad management or the bad country, but I think they should keep in their mind that they are participating in the sacred space where new souls enter this world, where women go through the most painful and at the same time beautiful journeys.
